I want to have children, and I wave that flag proudly. My late-night go-to drinking topic of colonics has turned to babies over the past few years. Purging of a more lovely product I say. I can't explain my desire to be a mother in any other way besides being horny to have children. Not in THAT way. It's just different from any desire I've felt, except lust. It feels outside of my body, or inside of my body, or of my body. Well, now I'll never hold another child until I have my own...
A few of my high-school girlfriends swore they'd never have children. Back in those days a lot of high-school girls, or maybe just my crew, were scared of the physical pain of sex, so of course having a baby freaked them out. For others, saying they didn't want children seemed rebellious, bold, more unique. They separated themselves from what was assumed to be our shared dream as ladies, and probably upset their own mamas.
As an adult, especially in NYC, I've met many women with zero baby-making interest, which I find powerful. Not because they don't want to have babies specifically, but because knowing what you want is powerful. And communicating what you want is powerful, especially when a lot of people question, "Why not?" I'm never really asked "Why?" when I say I do want kids. Communicating what you want to your partner is vital, as is clearly knowing what they want. I'll pass this off to the post that got me thinking about this: Read it and check out the rest of the Urban Honking too.
I really understand your desire to get things firmed up. You want to know where you stand, you want to be able to talk about your future with your dude without Potential Future Ghost Baby lurking above every conversation. I am someone who likes things to be very firmed up (that’s what she said) so I empathize. However, I know that lots of people do not like to firm things up, preferring instead to just “let things happen.” This lifestyle gives me hives, but is apparently quite popular, judging by almost everyone on the earth I am even vaguely friends with. So, you guys are struggling with a kind of mild difference in vibe that I think is not that big a deal.
If I were you I guess I’d be a little worried that your dude’s loosey-goosey stoner ambivalence actually indicated that deep down he kind of wanted kids. Which would make me even more frantic to firm that decision up.